


Redemption Lies Plainly In Truth

by Flavoredfaeman



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt No Comfort, Nastya went out but she came back, Not Happy, Temporary Character Death, post-Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:07:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28099680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flavoredfaeman/pseuds/Flavoredfaeman
Summary: It had been over a century since out, when Nastya returned to the starship Aurora and her family.Title from Achilles Come Down
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25
Collections: Made Me Cry





	Redemption Lies Plainly In Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Cw:  
> Character death (temporary)  
> Depression  
> Jonny goes into sensory overload  
> Anger issues  
> Jonny hallucinates (written by a bastard who hallucinates -me) and he thinks he is hallucinating nastya  
> Jonny doesnt forgive nastya

It had been over a century since out, when Nastya returned to the starship Aurora and her family.

Jonny hadn't noticed when Aurora's humming got louder, but the unnoticed excess sensory put him on edge.

He was glad when he didn't run into any of the crew as he stalked into the kitchen and was even gladder to see that the room was empty. He did not feel like dealing with any of them today.

After eating he went down to the engine room, knowing the Aurora had only let him into the room since… she left. It would be a good place to hide out there until the pressure behind his eyes eased up and he could handle living again.

He paid Aurora no mind when she whirred and hummed at him, he had stopped trying to make sense of her noises since  _ before _ she left.

He laid down on the slightly dusty pile of pillows and blankets. He hadn't had the heart to remove them since she left. Because… well - what if she came back? She couldn't think she didn't belong anymore, that they'd forgotten her. And now? Well now it'd just been too long, plus it was still a nice pile.

Jonny buried himself into the pile, trying not to breathe in any dust.

She wasn't coming back. He knew that by now. She was gone. Forever.

But it wasn't going to kill him to let himself pretend.

So he did pretend.

Hidden like this he could pretend she was still here. Could convince himself that that pillow behind him was her and if he turned around she'd pull him close.

He didn't turn around.

Jonny wasn't sure how long it'd been when he heard the sound of footsteps.

Confusion shot through him first.

_ Who could be coming down here? _

Then hurt and indignance.

_ Aurora must've let someone come down here. _

Jonny felt acid burn the back of his throat at the realization. Why? Why would Aurora do that? She hadn't done that since  _ she  _ left. Why would she do this now?

As the footsteps got nearer Jonny pulled out his gun and prepared to pop out and shoot whoever the fuck it was.

When the footsteps paused in the doorway he popped out from underneath the blankets and fired.

But the person was already out of the way. Had Aurora warned them?

Who the fuck was it-

Oh. Great.

Jonny was hallucinating again.

In front of him stood Nastya.

He hadn't… he hadn't hallucinated her before. Had used to think of all the goddamned things he got fucked over with he could at least see his sister one last time.

He was wrong. He shouldn't have asked for this. He didn't want to see her.

She looked almost the same as when she left, maybe a bit wearier.

Jonny couldn't stand to look at her and once he got over his initial shock he groaned and collapsed back down, burying his face into the pillows.

He swore he felt the blankets shift and when a cold hand was laid on his arm he jumped and scrambled back.

He didn't stop until he felt his back hit against the warm steel wall.

_ That _ hadn't happened before. But he couldn't say whether or not that meant anything either and he felt his skin start to crawl and chest start to tighten.

Nastya - the hallucination? Whatever it was, stared at him. She looked hurt and concerned and Jonny wished she didn't look so much like Nastya because it  _ hurt. _

"Jonny-" oh gods she even sounded like Nastya why why why "-Jonny are you listening to me?"

Of course he was listening of fucking course he was how could he not listen she looked like his dead sister.

"Jonny?" She slowly started moving closer. "Jonny can you hear me? Nod if you can hear me please."

Jonny wasn't sure when his legs had been pulled up into his chest. He nodded jerkily and tried to scoot further into the wall as she came closer.

Immediately Nastya - the hallucination that looked like her, stopped inching closer.

"Jonny I need you to breathe for me okay? You're fine, you're okay, you're safe. I'm back, I'm here, I'm safe."

Jonny wished she'd stop talking it was an absolute mockery of the fucking century that had passed, of the decades of grieving.

He buried his head in his knees and when he did he realized he was crying, his tears hot against his pants.

"Jonny. Jonny I'm here." He didn't move. "Jonny please.  _ Brother _ ."

Something snapped inside Jonny at that moment and he wasn't sure what happened, just that everything got too loud too bright too much and when he fully came back to himself he was in his sister's arms as she pet his hair and whispered reassurance.

He shifted slightly, confused and tired, so tired. Gods, Jonny was tired.

Nastya paused when he moved and pulled back slightly to look at him. "Are you… okay?"

Jonny stared at her and kept staring.

So this. Surely this wasn't. Was she?

"Nastya?" His voice was weak and shook but if Nastya had a problem with that she could go out another fucking airlock couldn't she.

She smiled at him. "Hi Jonny."

"Are you…" he winced, but he had to ask, had to know, "real?"

Nastya's eyes flashed with pity but it was gone before Jonny could even fully process it.

"Yes Jonny, I'm real. I'm here, back home."

Nastya gave him a tight smile, this close it was clear to see just how tired and worn out she was.

For a moment Jonny felt. Well. A lot of things. Too many feelings filled him and he couldn't handle them, so he just picked one of the biggest ones and let that over power everything else.

So after a moment, pure hurt filled Jonny, hurt and anger and frustration and pain.

Feeling his blood run hot Jonny yanked himself out of Nastya's gentle grip and began to back away again.

Nastya scrambled to her feet as well, a hint of panic flashing across her face.

"You… you - you left us!" Jonny cried, feeling his fists clench.

"Jonny-"

"No! No! You - you fucking abandoned us and now what? You jus' fucking waltz right back in here like you own the place?!" Jonny spat his words.

Nastya, for her part, looked hurt and ashamed and she ducked her head.

"You were gone for over a fucking century! Over a century! We thought you were dead! You - you were  _ gone  _ Nastya! And what now? Huh? Are we just supposed to pretend it never happened? Like you never left?"

Nastya looked lost when she looked back up. "Jonny, I - I'm sorry."

"No!" Jonny felt hot tears burning down his cheeks again and his old heart creaked as it pumped. "No! You don't get to say that to me! You aren't fucking sorry Nastya! If you felt even the slightest bit of remorse you would've come back sooner! Or let us know you were alive!"

Nastya stepped forward, reaching out for Jonny. "Please. Jonny please, just listen to me?"

No no no - he couldn't he couldn't listen to her speak he needed to get away - go somewhere else - he couldn't breathe in this room and he needed to go.

"Stop!" He cried, stepping back, towards the door. "Just stop!"

With that Jonny turned and ran, he ran up and out of the engine room and he ran all through the halls towards his room. He heard someone shouting after him but he didn't stop until his door was closed tight behind him and he could shakily collapse to the bed.


End file.
